Checkout lane

(Background; The last few weeks have been very stressful. My cousin was killed in a horrific hit and run accident and the funeral was this week in my home town)

I had counselling today that was very intense and wanted to go straight home. However, I has also been away for two days at an emotional and unexpected funeral, and wanted lunch supplies for the next day, which promised to be very busy because I had to do the quarterly BAS statement.

I decided that rather than take the time out of tomorrow, I'd go into the shops on my way home. At least I was already out, despite being uneasy and tense, and tomorrow there would a great possibly that it would happen later than I wanted and cause other and different problems.

As I lined up at the express lane with my seven items, a lady in front of us was berating someone. I honestly thought she must be related to them due to her attitude, only to find it was a store supervisor and she was angrily demanding he went and find this item for her. She sent him off with am angry "It isn't there on the shelf!", while moving to the side so she could hold her place in line.

With dismay, I realised that the lady now in front of me had a trolley with about 20 items in it, and of course there was only one checkout open. Trying to be patient, I waited, wishing I could say something to her about having too many items.

Then a lady with another trolley came up behind me. Then, she pushed her trolley really close to me. I moved aside so I had some more space, and she moved the trolley towards me again. I pointedly looked down at the trolley that was so close to me, and I pushed it away from me with my basket by simply moving my body.

To my horror, she moved the trolley towards me again. I looked at the trolley once more and moved aside yet again.

She did it again.

I took my heart in my hands and looked her in the eye and said " Are you trying to test me?"

She looked straight back and smirked and said "Yes."

I gathered a deep breath (not my first) and in a trembling voice, said to her "Look, I've got anxiety and you're really pushing me, okay?" She looked ashamed and backed off. I was so relieved, I said “Thank you.” She refused to look at me, so I made her look at me and mouthed thank you again.

Meanwhile, the supervisor had come back to the bossy lady and finally another checkout girl came along, with of course the bossy lady going straight to it. Finally, it was my turn.

Before I could move the lady with too many items moved her trolley to pack her item's and proceeded to block my checkout as well. The new checkout girl is now impatient and yells out "Who's next?"

Trapped behind the too many items lady, I pointedly looked at the space where I should be being taken up by this other person who felt she was so special and said aloud, "That would be me."

The checkout girl seeing I only have a basket says "Just put them over this side of the checkout."

Before I can move (still trapped in place) too many items person sees what she's done and moves off and I can go to the 'proper' side.

At the checkout, I glanced back to where the pushy lady had been and realised that she had left the line and was using the self-checkout. By this time, I'm trying not to shake. I thought it might be a good idea to treat myself and have some sugar to counteract the adrenaline trying to rush through my system so I stopped at the Bakery on the way out and bought a Kitchener bun. While paying, pushy lady with trolley goes past me; head down and clearly feeling uncomfortable.

So, surrounded by women who all thought that they were the most important at that time, I managed to not only stop myself having a panic attack, I raised the level of awareness of at least one person, possibly two, possibly not.

The thing is, you don't know where the other person's headspace is at. You don't know what they've been through that day, that week, that month.

You don't know how easy or hard it was for them to get to the shops for milk and lunch-meat

Someone who's trying to hold themselves together in public for just a little longer, so they could just go home and deal with their anxiety and not trouble you. Someone who just wanted a little space for themselves. Someone who wanted to get through that 'simple' shopping trip without falling apart. Someone who felt a little bit better about themselves because they looked you in the eye and made you aware of your effect on others.

Someone who just wanted a little space for themselves.